Pizza Guys and Possibilities
by IFallLikeLeavesAndSnow
Summary: In which after a hunt Dean is hungry and Cas misunderstands. Destiel, mild parody, not quite crack.


A/N: This is set in an extremely vague time period, which I'm not going to clear up, because doing all the research to pick the perfect point for this story to be at is way too much work at 3 in the morning. Actually, let's just say it's an AU where Bobby is alive and Cas has been turned mortal very very recently.

Pizza Guys and Possibilities

-S-

As it turned out, Jorogumo's were creepy as hell. After discovering a series of drained corpses left abandoned in the woods, Dean and Cas had set out to get rid of whatever it was that was turning people into crumpled Capri sun packs. The local lore turned up nothing, and Bobby had zip for them personally, but he did have a contact who specialized in creatures that drained people. The woman, Kara, told them that they were probably dealing with a Jorogumo, a spider woman of Shinto mythology, and a type of Youkai, who fed on men and dwelled near or within waterfalls. A brief trip to the local falls led to them discovering its nest, located, clichély enough, behind the falls themselves. After a bit of a thrashing the first time around when she proved resistant to the usual rounds, followed by a call to Kara to confirm their enemy, they managed to gank her with a well-placed, well sharpened stone from the bottom of the falls.

After that, they'd crashed at the hotel, too tired to head back just yet.

As the sound of the shower shut off, Dean's voice rang through the room, causing Castiel to look up.

"Hey Cas, I'm starving, what do ya want to eat?"

"Oh uhhhhh-"

"Never mind" He can practically feel Dean roll his eyes.

A few minutes later, Dean came out of the bathroom, and headed to the bedside table where a pile of takeout menus were waiting. After shuffling through a few of them, he held one up for inspection.

"So, pizza good with you?" An intense blush spread across Cas' face, and he stuttered out.

"A-a-a-a- b- you- I- a-are you sure about that?"

Dean furrowed his brow "Well yeah, I really want some pizza, why?"

"Doesn't it seem a little strange? I mean, I have no problem with it conceptually, but isn't a little . . . soon?" Cas looked down, suddenly finding his lap very interesting indeed.

"What? No way, I would've done it sooner, but we were a little busy."

"O-oh, um, o-okay."

Ignoring the ex-angel's strange behavior, Dean called the local pizza place and ordered. After that, he flopped down on the bed and switched on the TV. After another twenty minutes, during which he flipped through the channels, a knock on the door was heard.

"Hey Cas, you want to get that?"

His blush only having just receded, Castiel looked up, and his face once more turned scarlet.

With almost mechanical movements, the man stood up and made his way to the door. When he opened it, a handsome blond man was standing there, holding a box in one hand.

As he waited for Cas to pay, Dean continued flicking through the stations. It was only when a minute or so had gone by, and no pizza had materialized that he looked up. Cas was holding the money in his hand, and the other man was waiting for him to deposit it into _his_ hand, but the gruff voiced man refused to hand it over. After a few more seconds, he seemed to snap out of his daze, and handed the money over.

"So" he said, his words stilted, as if he was reading from a card "is this an extra-large sausage?"

The pizza delivery guy fished out a receipt "Uh no, it looks like this is an extra-large pepperoni, did you order a sausage or-"

Castiel ignored what he was saying and continued "Oh no, it appears that I don't have enough to pay you fully. I must have something else I can give you." By the end of his speech, Cas' face was redder than the pepperoni on the pizza.

"Uh no, this is enough, here let me get your change." As the man fished out the proper change, Cas took a breath, opened the box, pulled out a slice, and then in what could only have been a deliberate move, flipped it backward so that grease flew onto his shirt.

"Oh no, it seems that I've gotten my shirt dirty, do you think I should change it?"

The man looked up as he handed Cas the change and glanced at his shirt. "Nah man you're good, anyway, enjoy your pizza, have a good night." With that the blond man turned away and headed back to his car. As the door shut, Dean gave him a look, but didn't comment.

After sitting the pizza box down, Cas seemed to weigh his options, and after a moment, he begin to unbutton his shirt. About a third of the way down, he seemed to get stuck.

"Oh, uh, Dean, it seems that my shirt is stuck, would you _help me_?"

"Oh uh, sure man." Standing and moving over to the other bed, he quickly undid the offending button and sat back down on his bed, grabbing a slice of pizza as he did so.

Cas sat down on his bed after unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, and cradled his own slice. After a moment, a thought seemed to strike him, and he took a large bite out of his, grease clinging to the sides of his mouth as he did so. Setting his piece down on the box, he began to lick his lips and around his mouth loudly, and continued to do so long after he'd gotten all the grease. Eventually Dean looked over.

"Cas, _what_ are you doing?"

Once more the blush on his face increased "I-a-I um-"

"That's not how you do it." He said in reference to his friends attempts to get lick up the grease.

Castiel nodded, looking suitably mollified as he ran through the rest of his rather limited knowledge on the subject. After a moment, he nodded to himself and cast his shirt off as he walked to the bathroom. The sound of the shower filled the room for a few minutes, before it cut out again.

Cas walked out of the bathroom, clad only in a loose towel. Dean's gaze slid around the sight in a very deliberate way. Cas stood very very still in the middle of the room for a few endless seconds. Then, after taking some very deep breathes, Cas let go of the towel. For a few seconds, it stayed exactly where it was, clinging to him. Then, slowly, it fell to the ground.

"Oh . . . dear. It seems . . . my towel . . . has fallen off."

Dean's ability to ignore things reached its limit. "Alright Cas, what the hell is going on?"

Cas, still nude, gathered all his composure and began to explain. "You asked me if I wished to have pizza."

"Yeah, what does that have to do with this?"

"It is my understanding that when someone orders pizza, it is customary to engage in intercourse afterwards."

"Wait what?"

"I apologize if I misconducted the ritual, I didn't wish to offend."

"Wait wait, so you're telling me you think that orderin' pizza means that you want to do it with whoever you ask?"

"I would not have phrased it as such, but yes."

Dean laughed "Cas, that was just porn, it's like, the least realistic thing ever."

If it was possible, the fallen angel's face got even redder. "Oh I-I see, well then I-"

"Wait, so earlier, when you said you weren't opposed to the idea, you meant . . ." He trailed off.

"As an angel I am not really gendered, and of course you are, if I am to be understood, a very attractive male, and I was told it is natural to have . . . urges."

Dean stood, a grin stretching across his face. "I'll be right back" he said, before walking into the bathroom. The sound of the shower once more pervaded the apartment, and Cas wondered if the phrase he'd heard a few times to "wash" yourself clean of something was a literal one. Less than a minute later, the shower cut out.

Fresh out of the shower, Dean wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom.

"I apologies if I was improper" Castiel said, still in the nude having been to embarrassed to move "I understand if-" Dean cut him off.

"Cas Cas Cas, if that's what you wanted" he let the towel slide to the floor "All you had to do was ask."

A blush spread across the other man's face for a moment, and then Dean pulled him in for a kiss. As it deepened from what could only tentatively be described as chaste and into something that could not be called anything other than pornographic, there was a knock at the door. As the door swung open, they heard a familiar voice.

"So I was on my way back when I realized that you might've been hitting on me, was that-" the blond man stopped at the sight of the two entwined, and giving him motel room eyes.

"Uh" was as far as he got, before two hands reached out and pulled him into the room.

-S-

A/N: Soooooooo, no actual pornz, but hey, it's my first Supernatural fic, and it's Destiel, so that has to count for something right? Anyway, tell me what you thought, see ya.


End file.
